Planned Defra cull of Black Audi's 5 July 2012

You heard it here first

Sources close to Government have alerted me to the fact that DEFRA having been forced after a huge public outcry to drop their Common Buzzard culling scheme sanctioned by one Dick Bent-One, Posh Party and Minister for Destroying the Environment are now coming up with a scheme to cull or take into captivity car drivers in rural areas. After the Country Alliance conducted a three hour scientific random survey on the A44 near Woodstock entailing counting dead pheasants on the road and the number of vehicles especially Black Audis in the vicinity it has been decided that there is conclusive scientific evidence that drivers are impacting seriously on the enjoyment of the landed gentry by killing their pheasants senselessly on our public roads. A well spoken Old Etonian Government spokesman was recently heard to announce " There are 34 million vehicles on our roads, God knows how many are Black Audi's and our birds just do not stand a chance. Pheasants should be allowed to wander at will and undisturbed on our country roads. It cannot go on like this. Something must be done. There is going to be a three year pilot scheme in rural Oxfordshire where gamekeepers will conduct a trial cull of Black Audi's to see if this will save the critically endangered 40 million non native Common Pheasant that are released and wantonly run down by New Labour voting drivers on our roads. After all these cars have brakes don't they and all cars should give way to pheasants and posh people on horses". Vorsprung durch Technik!

Seriously folks watch this space.Our Birds of Prey are under continued threat and "they" will be back with another self interested scheme. Defra having had one scheme kicked into the long grass have openly stated "new research would aim to establish the impact of birds of prey on Pheasants first, before control measures were considered". It ain't over yet